Am I unfair to my husband?

I have an female enemy who started working at my husband's place of employment. She pumped a friend of mine to find out where he was working, and then, bam, she ends up working at his place of employment. I was not aware of her working there until another friend informed me. My husband did not tell me about it. When I asked why he hadn't told me, he got very defensive and talked to me very mean. To be fair, his mother had been in a car wreck at the same time I confronted him, and he said that is why he was mean to me. However, he's done some very questionable acts since my "enemy" has came into our lives and we have gotten into some very vicious fights. He has put his hands around my throat twice, but did not squeeze tight---just threatened and said he would like to. He's bruised my sides from squeezing me when I try to leave. The entire time we dated I did not see this behavior, but in all honesty, it all started when she came into our lives. (cont'd--read additional details)